I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it wasn't lemon gatorade
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
