my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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