wanna go halves on a baby?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
