she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
