I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
