he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.