If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
