Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
