apparently the secret to your success is patron
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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