If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
