She's JV to your varsity
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
