so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
