every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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