when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
