my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
