its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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