So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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