i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
