You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
