i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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