Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
