I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
