I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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