i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
