i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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