3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
