This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
