Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
