So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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