just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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