dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
