can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
