people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
