i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
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i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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