so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
