well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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