At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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