sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
