Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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