Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I need to calm my uterus...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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