I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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