Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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