When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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