New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
