I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
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if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
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Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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