Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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