her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
