I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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