I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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