Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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