Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
