And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
