Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
