Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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