The maid of honor just puked.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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