how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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