after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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