I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
