I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
