He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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